I read the article below and could not concur enough, so felt compelled to share! I am going to take a big liberty here and make a generalization and say that we all know most of the time people don't really meet people at a "club". Most of the time women know that the guys they meet at the club have only UNO agenda in mind!!!! But at times there are connections that lead to digit exchanges that sometimes end up in meaningful, fruitful relationships if a guy plays it right. I say guy because in this patriarchal society, as strong and independent a woman is usually she expects a guy to initiate any sort of interaction, at least in the beginning in an effort to not seem too 'forward' or 'easy'. Apologies for the honesty but it seems to be a reality. I am sure critics disagree with me on this, but this is usually the case. I believe that for a sound meaningful relationship to happen, it starts with a good first few dates.
So for guys who are not looking to waste their time, here are tips on how you can definitively score a second chance, and for the ones who have been in the running for quite some time and are top of their game here is an insight into a woman's mind!!!
For men: A guide for getting a "yes" to a second date for people who are seriously "looking"!
In the decades we’ve been involved in dispensing dating advice, we've seen a number of marriage-minded men who – though well-developed in intellect, character, scholarship and other interests – display a degree of under-developed social skills (can't reiterate enough). Often when a woman has a first date with such a man, this leaves her disappointed and uninterested in a second date.
True, if they were to get to know each other, they might develop a connection. Unfortunately, these dates seldom get anywhere because the woman feels she can't admire or respect a man who "just doesn't seem to have his act together."
Here are six concrete suggestions for how to improve the situation.
(1) The Phone Call
The initial phone call to set up the date is where a man makes his first impression. A woman usually prefers that a man keeps the first call to 5 or 10 minutes, and waits until they're actually on the date to find out more about her. Your main goal here is to set up the time and place. (This in the women world translates into, he takes charge and it suggests power subtly, he is in the drivers seat. As independent and strong a woman might be she likes it when he plans ahead and surprises her. When he initiates and does the work in the beginning it's like a breath of fresh air to them. Women are used to planning and are able to coordinate well generally, but they want to see if the guy she plans to give her time to is able to do that equally well. Women are turned on by guys who exude confidence and power without trying too hard. Although there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, later more likely appreciated).
Give her an idea of what you'll be doing on the date. Museum or restaurant? Will you mostly be walking or sitting? If you're thinking of coffee or dessert, let her know so she can eat dinner first. If you'll be taking her to dinner, she'll want to dress appropriately. There's nothing worse than getting dressed up in a beautiful outfit and high heels and finding out your date has planned a hike and a picnic.
(2) Dress for Success
Before a date, a woman will try to look nice for a man – styling her hair, choosing a pretty outfit, and putting on make-up. But she will feel foolish and embarrassed to have made an effort for a man who has holes in his pants, torn shores, a filthy raincoat, or a shirt and vest that looked like they belong on her grandfather. (For some women this is one of the characteristic on most women's check off list which might be a make or break a deal for some. Guys who know how to dress well, in the women world translates into they will look swell in pictures. To guys it might seem quite an irrational logic, but if you looking for a second date stay tuned).
A woman doesn't need her date to wear designer labels or expensive fabrics. She just wants a man who takes pride in his appearance and knows how to clean, repair and choose his wardrobe. (She'll notice that scotch tape isn't doing a very good job of holding his torn pants hem in place.)
An instant turn-off for women is poor grooming.
Another instant turn-off for women is poor grooming. After a long day at work, a man may need to shower, reapply deodorant, and shave before meeting a date, (most guys know this but some seem to be quite challenged). Most women are not attracted to a few days' worth of stubble, and are definitely put off by that "manly" scent. They are attracted to a man with a good haircut, and whose clothes are clean and in good repair (and smells amazing – so important!).
Of course, many men will ultimately benefit from their wives' fashion and grooming help after marriage. But they're not getting anywhere near the second date if she meets him and immediately thinks, "Oh, no, a Project."
One suggestion is for the man to ask a woman his age how to dress. Most men can find a sister, cousin, or friend's wife who seems to have fashion sense, and ask for her help in selecting a dating wardrobe that's current, well-matched and fits well. Invariably, when a man looks at himself in the mirror, wearing his new clothes, he will feel a lot better about himself. That feeling helps him be more confident on dates, and win the heart of a woman.
(3) Be Prepared
Be on time. Plan for an extra 20-30 minutes of contingency time – for traffic, bathroom break, emergency call from the office, etc. If you're running late, call (or text) your date as soon as you realize you won't be on time, not five minutes before you're scheduled to show up. And certainly not a half hour after your meeting time.
Plan where you're going on the date and how you're going to get there. Have a back-up plan in case something unexpected happens, like the restaurant having a fire the night before. If you'd like to let your date choose, rather than ask, "Where do you want to go?", ask her which of two places she'd prefer. She'll be impressed with the forethought you gave to the evening. (Again this in the women world, reiterates taking charge and planning ahead, spontaneity has its moments just not welcome on the first dates in most cases in most women's world).
Also, make sure you have your wallet, credit cards and cash. It’s not cool to make her wait while you stop at an ATM for enough money to pay for your evening together. And if you're picking her up and plan to take a taxi to your destination, she'll be impressed if you've arranged to have the driver wait outside rather than asking her roommate or her parents to call you a taxi. (This in the women world translates into the guy is thoughtful, creative, and is able to go above and beyond because trust me most guys are NOT doing that so this automatically moves you up the line).
(4) Refreshments Served
No matter what your activity, offer your date some sort of refreshment. If you meet after work for drinks or coffee, and you feel like continuing to talk past the 2-hour mark, do it over dinner. You may not feel hungry after a long day at work, but she probably is, and keeping her out later without offering dinner is inconsiderate. The neighborhood pizzeria may not be the right place for a first date.
Pick an appropriate establishment. You may love your neighborhood pizzeria, but if the place isn't clean and tastefully furnished, it's not a good place for a first or second date. It doesn't matter if she's the 50th girl you've dated – the woman you're with wants to feel that you think of her as someone special, and that you care enough to choose an attractive, comfortable place to spend time together. If you gave the venue of your date a lot of forethought and she compliments the ambiance, don't explain, "Yes, it’s nice. I take all my first dates here."
When the bill comes for your drinks/coffee/meal, reach for it immediately and pay it. If you leave it there, your date will feel uncomfortable as she starts to wonder if you expect her to go Dutch or to pick up the tab. (Again women who are strong and independent are able and used to taking care of themselves, but in most cases men like to feel like a "man" in the relationship and the woman wants to see that he ‘got’ this for the most part. This cannot be generalized because people tend to have different financial values but generally this translates into I would like to be taken care of equivalently meaning he can match my current financial standards or is better if we end up in a relationship. Women like stability and looks for a guy who matches her socioeconomic values or is better. Again this does not mean that they are gold diggers and are looking for your money but it means that they are looking for someone who is at least driven and ambitious to support ‘them’ as an entity later). If you wait too long and she offers to pay, immediately say, "No thanks, I've got this." If dinner is beyond your budget, then make it coffee. But pay without hesitation.
(5) The Right Location
Frankly, we think that dinner in a restaurant is not one of the best settings for a blind date. The reasons are practical as well as economical. A blind date should be treated as an opportunity to learn about the other person, to decide if there is enough between you to get to a second date. Trying not to talk with your mouth full, and praying that you don't spill something or get lettuce stuck between your teeth, is not the most conducive atmosphere for conversation. It is also unfair to expect a man to spend a large amount of money on dinner when a blind date may not lead to a second date.
Consider instead going to a place with some visual or auditory atmosphere, like a botanical garden, hotel lounge, art gallery, promenade or other pleasant place to walk, or even an informal, open-air concert. This presents an opportunity to talk, and something to look at and even refer to during those awkward silences. These activities fill about three hours, which is a good time frame for a first date.
(6) Conversation
The goal of this first date is not to overwhelm her with your business prowess, your analysis of the NBA playoffs, or regale her with your escapades in extreme adventuring. A good guideline for conversation is exchanging basic information about yourself and your date – your background, favorite music, where you lived in the past, places you've traveled, hobbies, favorite friends and relatives, studies or career, friends you have in common. This gives you a basis for more in-depth discussion. Anticipate these topics and think ahead of how you will answer. (Women are turned on by guys who are witty meaning they are able to keep up with her, funny and can make them laugh, and most importantly intellect – not your GPA scores in grad school but how well versed you are as an individual and how well are you able to express and present the information that makes you ‘you’. Women are more analytical than men generally are, and are looking for a men who are smarter and able to teach them about something that they might not be aware of before. It is not necessarily about content but it is about delivery. Women are looking for guys who are patient, how well they are able to convey a topic that might not interest her and are observing how much they care to invest their time into doing this – because to women this translates how a man will be as a husband and a father in the long run if this date will go anywhere). You can practice having better conversational skills.
When two daters are just getting to know each other, their conversation doesn’t always flow smoothly. However, if you often feel awkward or uncomfortable when talking to your date, there are ways to help yourself develop better conversational skills. Many people have found that working with a coach helped them become more confident about themselves and more comfortable with dating. Others have asked a trusted friend or relative to help them practice being on a date, from start to finish. After two or three run-throughs, they found they were less anxious and better able to carry on a conversation with a dating partner. (In the women's world it translates into power and confidence. Just like men can smell desperation from far away, women can too. Women admires a lion not a mice; confidence translates into he does not ‘need’ me once we are together or will allow me my freedom in our relationship; just like men don’t want to loose their freedom when they are in a relationship women don’t find a guy who is too smothering either. There is a fine balance).
Even if you don’t talk much, be a good listener. You can generate topics of conversation by focusing on something your date mentions and asking questions that will encourage her to describe her feelings. She'd like to get her masters in journalism? "Why did you decide to apply to journalism school? How does it feel to see something you've written in print?" Try adding your own insight. "I always thought journalists should be objective. Lately, though, it seems that much of what I read in the newspaper is one-sided. Why do you think this is so?"
Conclusion
If you’re a man who doesn't have his act together, or seems awkward and unsure of himself, these suggestions won't turn you into Don Juan. But they will help you appear more organized, confident and considerate of the woman you’re with. And that should be enough to achieve your primary goal: to interest her into saying “Yes!” to a second date.
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