Key Ingredients

So before I share my views on what I see works and what doesn't, I would like to hear about your point of view. What does an IDEAL relationship look like to you? MEN...? Women...?

Having read the comments below here is my thought...

Disclaimer: "People speak from their experiences, each individual expresses their opinions based on their life interpretations and perceptions of situations, thus all the comments on the FORMULA FOR SUCCESS might not fit your relationship so to speak. You are the only one that lives in your shoes and are the author of your lifebook thus follow these ingredients as a generalized most basic yet key ingredients to your "Chicken Cacciatore" kind of experience for your current or forthcoming relationship!

I agree with my last reader that ‘the eye that does not look within is incapable of having success in any relationship’. If you are not in love with yourself and are not satisfied with who you are, no matter what relationship you are in IT WILL NOT BRING YOU HAPPINESS. A healthy relationship begins with you. Having said that a relationship with the other will most likely tender success with these key ingredients:

1. Connection - Why is it that we connect with some people right away and feel those butterflies or talk to some people more easily, while others when we talk to them a little voice in our head is saying someone ‘kill me’. Or we are so bored out of our mind that we are talking to them or acting like we are listening but our mind is on 10 other things such as on the other attractive person behind them, or on the drama between two people around them, or something as mundane as our to do list or the other next best thing. Do you believe in the concept of Soulmate? Do you believe that there can only be one person in this world out there that can complete you, not to say that you are incomplete without that one person but complete in a deeper sense. Complete in a sense that things that you aspire to be or things that you would not have explored at the time about yourself and other things in life without that person. Why is this important for the success of your relationship? I believe that connection solidifies other below mentioned factors, it sort of just happens without having to try hard!

2. Attraction – Physical, emotional, spiritual…
I believe that it comes in different forms, do you ever wonder why we find ourselves being attracted to certain “types” of people.  Why is it that sometimes we don’t have a type and are open minded to building our physical attraction for someone, because we are connected to other parts of them,  their minds or personality first. And sometimes it comes in the form of something that we exactly had in our mind such as their physique, or their facial features and characteristics that we find ourselves attracted to. And sometimes it’s the spiritual attraction with that person that allows you the freedom to be who you are without any restraints. Have you heard the phrase, “Women look forward to changing the man once they are in a relationship and men hope that the woman that they are in a relationship with does not change”. If that is your concept or belief about a relationship then it isn’t going to work. Men don’t like women trying to change them and women tend to forget to be themselves when they are in a relationship, but I think in a healthy relationship two people are attracted to each other for who they are spiritually, mentally and physically, and that they accept them for who they are! There is no written rule that if you are unhappy or distressed in a relationship you have to stay in it is there!! I believe that for that Oooo La la experience to last a lifetime there has to be something that keeps it going right? If you are making yourself like someone the chances of that relationship growing or building over time are less then likely.

3. Trust – The most essential factor once you get past the initial comfort/lust/attraction to building any lasting relationship. Do you believe in forgiveness? How do you establish it? How do you rebuild trust once its severed? Have you established enough that your partner wouldn’t want to break it? What starts to happen if they break your trust, how do you feel and how do you normally deal with it in your other relationships?

4. Respect – THIS IS ANOTHER HUMAN BEING DAMN IT (why is it that often times when we are in LOVE with that person we think it gives an automatic authorization to treat the other person with disregard) or (for that matter anyone that we dearly tend to love a lot of times become our stress busters) would we treat anyone off the streets that way? Would we treat our boss that way? Would we treat a stranger that we meet or are trying to make a good impression on, that way? Then why is it that someone that we ‘LOVE’ gives us a right to humiliate? Do you treat your partner with ‘low blows’ during conflicts, do you enjoy it when they return the favor and treat you the same? Do you treat them with dignity, do you treat them the way you would want to be treated? At what point do we allow ourselves to cross that boundary and when does that become ok?

5. Communication – How many times when we are in a relationship we expect the other person to read our minds, or we assume that they know exactly what we are thinking. Again as mentioned earlier, we each interpret life depending on our experiences so why is it that we get frustrated when the other person does not understand us in a way that we want them to. Why is it that we loose our patience to ‘talk’ it out and discuss. This does not necessarily imply that we are in agreement with everything because we are in a relationship, how can two people from two totally separate worlds are expected to be on the same page at all times? I believe that conflicts are necessary in a relationship to grow but better yet how one deals with them in more important for a healthy relationship. No two people can ALWAYS agree and be on the same page at ALL times, its not possible. Its about how the argument or the conflict ends and how your partner ends up feeling about themselves and how much do you care. Do you speak to the person and stick to the topic of the conflict or do you go for the persons CHARACTER to make yourself feel better. When communicating with them do you fight to solve a problem or do you fight to WIN? Do you follow a “When you do this, I feel_____, because _____” model or do you just point fingers at them blaming them because it seems easier and less work? The true success of relationship relies on two peoples idea of dealing with conflict. Most Counselors and psychologist make a living out of teaching two people how to COMMUNICATE. Or do you live in the world where conflict ‘shouldn’t’ happen (I guess in my observation men more so than women tend to avoid confrontations, but let me remind you that such world does not exist). Therefore what I find and what research suggests is that relationships that emulate close friendships tend to follow the same foundation of communication skills and selflessness. They are more supportive and adaptive over time, studies show that people with strong social skills and ability to maintain long term friendships are 32% more likely to be satisfied with their relationship1. So can you say that your significant other is your best friend, can you let go of your inhibitions when talking to him/her?

6. Honesty: How honest are you with your partner about everything that happens in your world? Do you believe that all your ‘secrets’ should be shared with your partner? Do you feel comfortable telling your partner everything? Is your relationship open where you don’t FEAR your partner. Do your relationship have a strong communication foundation where you don’t expect your partner to lie to you but be honest about how they feel? What is a good degree of balance with sharing yourself with your partner?

7. Common Goals/values: Last and the one of the most important, but not the least. I am very goal oriented and thus believe that in order to achieve success in life with anything if you don’t currently know where you are or where you are going, how do you measure if you are there? Do you believe in COMMITMENT and DEDICATION towards your partner, or do you believe that once the going gets tough you are growing apart. Do you believe in making a promise to each other and actually meaning it? What does COMMITMENT mean to you? Common goals and values can include Finances, Career, Family, Health and longevity, Spiritual growth, Education, amalgamation of likes and dislikes,  what is right and wrong, COMPROMISE – does the life revolve around you or do you believe in making your partner a priority and let go for the sake of your common goal. WHAT IS THE COMMON GOAL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Each of these ingredients can be their own topic of discussion and are listed to provoke your thoughts to your next successful venture and if you currently are in a relationship hopefully a guide to solidifying your passion with your partner. I read somewhere, relationships that have 5 positives to a negative are more successful than others. Are you in a deficit or are you in surplus in your relationship?

So for those currently SINGLE or in an UNHEALTHY adventure here is food for thought -
- Do you have a list of your top 10 characteristics you want in a person in order of their priority for you?
- Do you have a list of all the characteristics that your ideal partner would be looking from you?

And if you are wondering why you are single or when will this happen for you or are in an unsatisfied or unhealthy stressed out relationship,  are you ready to self examine yourself and are aware of the “YOU” that you are bringing to the table to match the qualities that you are expecting of your partner. There ought to be something in terms of your past relationships, your pattern of dysfunctional relationships you have been in or grew up with, the thoughts that you manifest, or are you willing to get past your narcissism to allow room for someone else in your life and selflessly give unconditionally!

I believe that Successful Relationships shouldn’t HAVE to be work that you don’t like going to, they should be about passion that drives you to put in the work……