Women get into relationship hoping to change the men they are with, where as men hope that the woman they are with don’t change while she is in it! What have your experiences been?

             How do men feel about that? In my research of course direct conversations, and analysis from plethora of books and media, I hear a common phrase “Men are Simple beings, and women tend to complicate things". As much as I hate to admit it, and as Chris Rock puts it and a guy friend of mine seconds it, it's as if Men have a secret code among themselves: (I apologize for the vulgarity of my language) “Fuck me, Feed me and shut the fuck up”. In other words it translates into great SEX; a secret to a man’s heart is indeed his STOMACH no matter what color or culture he comes from, and SIMPLICITY which equals minimalistic drama. Now of course it is not as simple as it sounds and this phrase can have a very subjective undertone to it but for the most part I do believe that all the successful experiences that I have been in and observed, tend to be successful if there is great physical chemistry between two people. Its bizarre to me how one can expect to be in an eternal endeavor with someone they don’t feel attraction towards whether it has developed over time or whether that was the reason that brought them together!

            I also believe that men usually like to feel as the provider and even though I am all for feminism (I find that this term is often misconstrued so I would like to clarify that it does not equate to pro womens’ rights and women who are man haters; in my world it means empowering women simultaneously while residing in a society that is mostly dominated by men). I think that the relationships that do tend to be sound are the ones in which a MAN is LET to feel like a MAN (which translates to a financial provider, a nurturer, a domineering one, even though there is a catch 22 to it that I will address later ). You may completely disagree with me but as much as I loathe to admit that, we live in a patriarchal society and even though I am all for strong, independent women, I find that for relationships that tend to be healthy have learned to harmonize and balance each others power. As studies suggest that relationships in which the there is balance of power, sacrifices made by each partner, decision making and equal performance of household chores are twice as likely to last longer than the relationships that are not equal (Gilbert and Walker 2001).

            I gather that the quandary exists because Men often love to have a strong, independent, intelligent woman, but yet when it comes to power and display of who is in control of the relationship men often like to feel as if they are in the drivers seat, and most of the time I find that those women have a hard time letting go of that 'public' control. So the relationship struggles unless that harmony of power and control is established and understood between the two. This reminds me of a quote a dear friend of mine once said, “women are the neck that makes the (head) move”. So ladies I find that Men do want to listen and they have an easier time letting go BUT its about when and how they are presented with your idea, because eventually we do tend to get out way don't we?!?

            The point being is that men do look forward to change and grow but just do not like to know or accept that they are being changed as none of us enjoy ‘being changed’ and letting go of some of the characteristics that make us who we are. So I gather that for you ladies subtle ways to bring about that change is through the above mentioned S3 method (Stomach, Sex, and Silence – timing) really works and it only works when he is into you! I say refrain from trying this when you are in the cusp of feeling the water. Lets face it no one looks forward to CHANGE, its scary because we are not breed to deal with ambiguity, unknown scares us so be empathetic and put yourself in his shoes and know that if you want him to change drastically he is probably not the one you are looking for. I often hear women fall for (choice of words used carefully here) and seeking the ‘bad boyz’ and they can’t wait to CHANGE them, let me tell you ladies save yourself a heart ache and ERASE that concept off your soul because I have NEVER seen that to work unless the guy is ready for that. Or I say go through that heart ache BUT learn and don't keep trying to CHANGE them. Most of the time he is not going to!! As mentioned above men are simple beings that don’t want you to change and that’s why they fell for you in the first place so continue to grow together and for your relationship to be successful shift the focus from changing him to changing yourself to make you a better version of yourself because he brings that out in you for who he is…